Shirt a Phobia

Sample Page

Amatonormativity (/əˌmætənɔːrməˈtɪvəti/) is the set of societal assumptions that everyone prospers with an exclusive romantic relationship. Elizabeth Brake coined the term in her 2012 book Minimizing Marriage to capture societal assumptions about romance.[1][2] The term has since become established in queer theory,[3] literary studies,[4] in self-help books for aromantic people,[5] and popular science books about aromanticism.[6] Brake wanted to describe the pressure she received by many to prioritize marriage in her own life when she did not want to. Amatonormativity extends beyond social pressures for marriage to include general pressures involving romance.[2][7]

Etymology

The word amatonormativity comes from amatus, which is the Latin word for “loved”, and normativity, referring to societal norms.[8][1] Related terms include allonormativity, which means a worldview that assumes all people experience sexual and romantic attraction, and compulsory sexuality, which means social norms and practices that marginalize non-sexuality.[9] Amatonormativity has been described as the romantic version of compulsory sexuality.[6]

The term was modeled after the term heteronormativity, the belief that heterosexuality is the default for sexual orientation.[2] Normative bias against ethical non-monogamy in particular is known as mononormativity.[10]

Examples

Elizabeth Brake describes the term as a pressure or desire for romance and/or marriage. The desire to find relationships that are romantic, sexual, and lifelong has many social consequences. People who are asexual, aromantic and/or just want to stay single become social oddities. According to researcher Bella DePaulo, it puts a stigma on single people as incomplete and pushes romantic partners to stay in unhealthy relationships because of a fear the partners may have of being single.[11][1]

Examples of amatonormativity from other writers include family members telling someone “You’ll never get a date like that!” in response to a personal style choice like dyed hair or a tattoo, or people assuming that close friends are dating,[6] or romantic relationships being portrayed as more important than friendships in movies and books,[6] and the lack of fiction that is not primarily about romance.[12]

According to Brake, one way in which amatonormativity is institutionally applied is the law and morality surrounding marriage. Loving friendships, queerplatonic, and other relationships are not given the same legal protections romantic partners are given through marriage.[13]

In her 2012 book Minimizing Marriage, Brake defines amatonormativity as “the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship.”[14]

Uses

The term amatonormativity has been covered in major newspapers,[15][16] and was named by The Atlantic as a trending philosophical topic in 2018.[17] In literary studies the term has been used as a lens to reinterpret same-sex relationships in 19th century novels.[4] Amatonormativity is commonly discussed in self-help books for aromantic and asexual people,[5][18][19] and media coverage of platonic relationships as a lifestyle choice.[20]

See also

References

  1. ^ a b c “Do you feel under pressure to find The One?”. BBC. 2020. Archived from the original on 15 July 2020. Retrieved 15 July 2020.
  2. ^ a b c Bonos, Lisa (6 July 2017). “Bugging your friend to get into a relationship? How amatonormative of you”. The Washington Post. Archived from the original on 14 October 2020. Retrieved 14 July 2020.
  3. ^ Cover, Rob; Newman, Christy E. (2025-03-12). Elgar Encyclopedia of Queer Studies. Edward Elgar Publishing. p. 18. ISBN 978-1-80392-210-2.
  4. ^ a b Cole, Megan (2024). “The Fiction of Amatonormativity: Reactions to Queer Platonic Relationships in Eighteenth-Century Literature”. Eighteenth-Century Fiction. 36 (2): 269–292. doi:10.3138/ecf.36.2.269. ISSN 0840-6286.
  5. ^ a b Daigle-Orians, Cody (2024-10-21). The Ace and Aro Relationship Guide: Making It Work in Friendship, Love, and Sex. Jessica Kingsley Publishers. ISBN 978-1-83997-735-0.
  6. ^ a b c d Burke, Wren (2025-06-05). Love Expanded: How asexuals and aromantics are redefining love, life and family. Allen & Unwin. ISBN 978-1-80546-259-0.
  7. ^ Brake, Elizabeth (29 August 2017). “Amatonormativity”. Elizabeth Drake. Archived from the original on 22 April 2018. Retrieved 14 July 2020.
  8. ^ Baer, Drake (31 March 2017). “There’s a word for the assumption that everybody should be in a relationship”. The Week Publications Inc. Archived from the original on 15 July 2020. Retrieved 14 July 2020.
  9. ^ Mollet, Amanda L.; Lackman, Brian (24 January 2021). “Allonormativity and Compulsory Sexuality”. Encyclopedia of Queer Studies in Education. Brill. doi:10.1163/9789004506725_006. ISBN 978-90-04-50672-5. Archived from the original on 21 March 2023. Retrieved 4 July 2023.
  10. ^ Keese, Christian (2016). “Marriage, Law and Polyamory. Rebutting Mononormativity with Sexual Orientation Discourse?”. Oñati Socio-legal Series. 6 (6): 1348. Archived from the original on April 22, 2018. Retrieved December 24, 2020.
  11. ^ “There’s a Word for the Assumption That Everybody Should Be in a Relationship”. The Cut. 8 March 2017. Archived from the original on 6 March 2019. Retrieved 2 March 2019.
  12. ^ Chen, Angela (2018-03-05). “We Need More Books Without Romance”. Electric Literature. Retrieved 2026-04-01.
  13. ^ “Should Marriage Be Abolished, Minimized, or Left Alone?”. Psychology Today. Archived from the original on 4 July 2023. Retrieved 2 March 2019.
  14. ^ Sharpe, Brianna (12 February 2020). “Why These Families Want To Queer Valentine’s Day”. Huffington Post. Archived from the original on 14 July 2020. Retrieved 14 July 2020.
  15. ^ Baer, Drake (2017-03-08). “There’s a Word for the Assumption That Everybody Should Be in a Relationship”. The Cut. Retrieved 2026-04-01.
  16. ^ “Analysis | Bugging your friend to get into a relationship? How amatonormative of you”. The Washington Post. 2017-07-06. ISSN 0190-8286. Retrieved 2026-04-01.
  17. ^ Kitchener, Caroline (2018-07-18). “What Are the New Questions of Philosophy?”. The Atlantic. Retrieved 2026-04-01.
  18. ^ Daigle-Orians, Cody (2023-02-21). I Am Ace: Advice on Living Your Best Asexual Life. Jessica Kingsley Publishers. ISBN 978-1-83997-263-8.
  19. ^ Chen, Angela (2020-09-15). Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex. Beacon Press. ISBN 978-0-8070-1379-3.
  20. ^ Dazed (2022-06-10). “BFFs, but make it official: the rise of platonic life partnerships”. Dazed. Retrieved 2026-04-01.