Humorous Wikipedia essay

Pending changes reviewer is the right you give people who want a fancy new topicon on their user page. If an editor has a pulse, they can probably handle it.
The test
Ask yourself the following, in order:
- Do they have vague indications of a pulse?
- Yes: Grant.
- No: Proceed to Question 2.
- Do they exhibit any other signs of life, such as typing, signing posts, or asking politely at WP:PERM/PCR?
- Yes: Grant.
- No: Eh, they’ll probably be fine. Grant.
Edge cases
- Robot applying for the right: If it can pass a CAPTCHA or write a coherent edit summary, treat as having a pulse.
- Applicant without a pulse but with excellent copy-editing skills: Don’t discriminate, give them the go-ahead.
- Nominee is you: That is fine. Remember to thank yourself after granting.